


He loved, and loved, and loved, and he lost it all

by Marvel4ever



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Irondad, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sad, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, author regrets everything, fluff and sadness, spiderson, we are pretending that pepper never came back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 04:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18242750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel4ever/pseuds/Marvel4ever
Summary: tony loves and loves and loves. he rarely sees love reciprocated, and when he does, it doesn't last.





	He loved, and loved, and loved, and he lost it all

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i took some liberties like rhodey isn't in this, and pepper never came back. i also made some assumptions about howard and idk what im doing really. you could read this as a stony, or just a friendship. up to you. i was just kinda sad and i wrote some sad stuff. its rated teen+ just because of some swearing. i hope yall enjoy it! btw i saw something on pinterest i saw and thought was cool (i mean depressing). "tony rips his own heart out and hands it to the people that need it but those people don't see the hole in his heart, just the bloody hands and heart and assume that he took it from anyone else but himself." this was kinda my inspiration but idk. enjoy!

The world was never particularly kind to Tony Stark. The sassy, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist never had much. Money, check. Major company, check. PTSD, check. Trust issues, check. These things are part of who he is. Brief moments in his life, the pain was covered up. By love. But because, as Tony would say, ‘its deserved,’ everything is lost too. 

The first person Tony loved was his mom.

She was his everything. While Howard would smack him into a corner, his mom would go to that corner and make sure he was ok. She was far from perfect, but he loved her. And it showed. Howard told him that love was a weakness. Said that people would see those weaknesses and exploit him. In futile attempt to please Howard, he tried not to love anyone. Though, his weak spot was always his mom. 

When he was 19 his mom was taken from him in a car crash. He couldn’t care less about his dead dad, but his mom. Sure, she never stood up to Howard, but at least she gave a damn about him. Through everything, she was his mom. Until she wasn't. When she was gone, Tony didn’t see a point. No one cared if he was going to crawl out of that corner. He was just left wishing that he could have said one more sentence to his mom. 

“I love you.” 

He had no one to say that too for years. 

 

Until Pepper. 

The powerful, fearless, bold Pepper. She started as an assistant. For years she watched him sleep his way through cities but never commented. It wasn’t her job to judge. For years she ‘took out the trash’ and said nothing. The first time she knew she loved him was when he went missing. The gut-wrenching pain of not knowing. Only knowing how she felt. Knowing that she should have spoken up sooner. 

As soon as he was back, she wanted to tell him how she felt. When he risked his life yet again, she didn’t hesitate. 

“I love you.”

He never meant to risk his life again. The stress and depression stayed long after the aliens did. His coping mechanism, since he was six, was building. He couldn’t help but to build the suits. He had to protect the one thing he couldn’t live without. In doing so he pushed her away. 

She left him with one sentence dying in his throat.

“I love you.” 

 

Then it was Steve. 

That stupid, self-righteous, perfect man. They fought all the time. Steve was always not understanding movie references, and Tony didn’t understand how many times he would have to explain them. Over time the banter turned into a genuine friendship. 

Steve was the first person to see Tony have an anxiety attack. He came down to the lab one night to bring Tony his favorite snack, blueberries. Tony was on the ground, rolled underneath his oldest car. Steve walked over to the car and when Tony rolled out and saw someone above him. Above- aliens. The wormhole. He was in space and was going to die without seeing Pepper again. Wait- his brain reminded him- Pepper left you. He shook even harder, blood pounding in his ears. His heart thudded in his chest. His vision was clouded, but blinking rapidly showed him that Steve was kneeling down on the cold concrete next to him. “Tony!” he appeared to be saying. All he could muster was a choked out sob, “No.” They laid there, for thirty minutes. Steve held Tony close, letting him breathe deeply. 

After that, they got much closer. Steve would come sit in the lab and draw for hours, never coming in quietly. Tony would be tinkering and would look up to see Steve bringing him food. Tony could never bring himself to admit it, but he loved Steve like a brother. And that brother was there for him. He thought he knew everything about him. He would learn he was wrong in just months. 

“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers, did you know?”

“Yes.” 

Tony watched another person he loved walk out of his life. The man who knew about his mom’s death and never thought to mention it. The man he loved. By the end of it he knew he couldn’t say these words. He didn’t know if they were true anymore. He just knew he was grateful he never said-

“I love you.”

 

Then came Peter. 

The last person he thought could worm their way into his heart, did just that. His cute little ‘Mr. Stark’s’ just melted his heart. 

One night Pete and Tony were up late in the lab. They both lost track of the time and ended up staying up for till early in the morning. Tony looked up from his schematics to see Peter, asleep, leaning on the lab table. ‘Shoot.’ he thought. ‘I forgot he goes to sleep.’ He went over to Peter and picked him up. His weird spidery genes made it so his bones were dense, making him weigh next to nothing. Tony carried him bridal style all the way to Peter’s room. Setting him down softly on his bed, Peter stirred. “Thanks, dad.” he mumbled. “I love you too, kiddo,” he said, tucking the blanket around Peter’s shoulders. His heart swelled with pride, over that one word. Dad. 

He always worried that if he had a child, he would turn out like Howard. That fear stopped him from going there with Pepper. That fear was erased with one word. Dad. 

Months later he felt that fear return, with one sentence. “Mr. Stark? I don’t feel so good.” No. Not his kid. ‘I can’t lose anyone else.’ he thought desperately, clinging to his son. His last words were “I’m sorry.”  
Little did the kid know that Tony was the one that was sorry. He was sorry for not telling his son the one thing he knew. He was sorry that Peter would never hear what Tony had to say. 

“I love you.” 

 

One by one they left his life, leaving him empty. Drifting in space, Tony welcomed death. After all, he had no one to go back to.

**Author's Note:**

> well, thanks for reading. i know it was kinda crazy and short, i wrote it in an hour. if yall didn't like it im sorry, no need to be mean. if yall liked it im so glad! thanks!


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